Author Guest Post with Brenda Billings Ridgley

Wives, mothers and career women – we have all fallen victim to the silent epidemic that is, literally… letting ourselves go.

Welcome to the November 15th stop on the blog tour for Lady and the Tribe by Brenda Billings Ridgley with Goddess Fish Promotions. Be sure to follow the rest of the tour for spotlights, reviews, author guest posts & interviews, and a giveaway! More on that at the end of this post.

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Author Guest Post

Finding Friends

How does one make new friends since the origin and impact of social distancing? It starts with intention and ends with action. We must be intentional about connecting to others because it may not happen naturally. I suggest that we all need a Tribe of 2-5 deep meaningful friendships to become resilient, authentic, and whole.

How will you connect with new friends who could become future Tribe members? What existing friendships would you like to nurture into Tribe? What specific habits can you establish to deepen the connections of your current Tribe?

“We create our future self by default or design.”
~ Nicole Cody

Let us start from here as if we are inspired for the very first time to build our own Tribe. Maybe you have a bunch of contacts on Facebook and didn’t really know what you were missing. Perhaps your life has been so full as a wife and mother you have made little time for anything else. Possibly your career has had you on the run from dawn until dusk for a decade, and you just hadn’t created the space for deep friendship… until now. All it takes is a decision, a plan, and then action on your part to make it happen.

Today we will start from scratch. Here are nine examples of friend-finding habits you may consider to build into your routine to find new friends:

1. Get out of the house! You are not going to meet anyone binge watching Netflix!
2. Challenge yourself to put your phone away when you are out in public. Instead find opportunities to make conversation. When you are focused on your phone or waiting in lines, even walking, you miss a lot of connection possibilities. Your routine likely passes some of the same people every day. If you say hello or chat for a few minutes, that is a breeding ground for friendship.
3. Sign up for a class; Spanish, Zumba, art, cooking, baking, bird watching, wine tasting. What are you interested in? Here you will meet others who have the same interests! Commit to attending a minimum of three classes. Once you have made a few contacts, keep showing up and invite them to connect outside of class.
4. Open a conversation with a stranger. Use the insight and question method. This conversion starter involves commenting on current events and then asking a question about their opinion. Research has shown that expressing our opinion activates brain regions that are associated with pleasure and reward. Your question will likely be received with gratitude for the opportunity to share. Avoid hot divisive topics. You are inviting conversation, not debate.
5. Volunteer for a worthy cause and meet people. Build a house for the homeless, serve a meal to the hungry, clean up a park to beautify the neighborhood. You will meet some great people who also care about the community. Strike up a conversation with someone. Reconnect each time you volunteer together and then invite them to coffee or lunch!
6. Join a club. There are all kinds of clubs out there. Seek one that interests you! Running, walking, hiking, beer/wine enthusiasts, travel, dining, paddle boarding, sailing, golf, and community service just to name a few! You already have something in common to talk about with these folks so making new friends will be easy! Let friendship be a result of doing something you enjoy.
7. Find a local online group that discusses topics of interest to you. Actively participate in the discussions and meet up with them when they have activity. If they do not ever get together, suggest they do so!
8. Tap into your friends of friends’ network. Take an inventory of who you know and who they know. This may be someone you have seen around but had yet to be introduced. Exploring adjacent friends gives you a head-start in the connection process because you already have a friend in common.
9. If you want more friends, ask people about themselves, and listen sincerely when they answer.  Listen not to respond but to understand. A good listener is rare these days. It is the best direct route ticket you could possibly have to form a friendship. Be a good listener. You have one mouth and two ears. Practice using them accordingly. Do not dominate the conversation.

You want to find recurring opportunities so that it is more likely you will see the same people a number of times. Use open body language to make yourself more approachable. In the beginning, what you do is just as important as what you say.  Stand tall and squarely face the person with whom you are speaking. Maintain eye contact and gesture, nod, or offer verbal affirmations occasionally to let them know you are listening. Avoid crossing your arms, checking your phone, or standing off by yourself which implies that you are not open to connect. SMILE! It makes you more attractive and inviting to others.

I have so much more to share on this topic, but for today my message is to get out there! New friendships start with the word intention. As we get older, friendships do not just appear like they did when we were kids. We must be intentional about making them happen.

For new weekly ideas on ways to find friends, connect, and build Tribe, join Lady and the Tribe’s Inner Circle at LadyandtheTribe.com

All my love,
Brenda Billings Ridgley

About the Book

Lady and the Tribe
by Brenda Billings Ridgley

Published 22 September 2021
Whole You Media

Genre: Non-fiction, Self-help
Page Count: 276
Add it to your Goodreads TBR!

Wives, mothers, and career women—we have all fallen victim to the silent epidemic that is, literally . . . letting ourselves go. Not the makeup free, yoga pants, weight gain routine. Little by little, we have allowed our preferences, interests, and individuality to slip away until we no longer recognize ourselves outside of our role as wives, mothers, or professionals. Who we are has become what we do.

In the process, our friendships have become the casualty of a “busy life” and lack consistency and depth. We have a gaping hole inside us that longs to be filled. How do we reclaim who we really are and fill this empty space that seemed to appear from nowhere? The answer lies in our Tribe. Our best friends see us more clearly than we see ourselves and are representations and extensions of our individuality. They are our companions, cheerleaders, and counselors—always in our corner. They are the branches of our tree of life that lift and support us, so we can flourish. Our Tribe is the family with whom we choose to live our life . . . with no strings attached.

Lady and the Tribe is a blueprint for building deep connections. As you read, you’ll be swept away on a journey of friendship as the author shares her own personal stories and those of other women. In the process, you’ll discover how to find, nurture, and deepen friendships and create a Tribe culture that is unique to you.

We can become whole again through the power of connection.

When three or more gather, we are Tribe.

Amazon US | Amazon CA | Amazon UK

Excerpt

Loneliness Can Be Lethal

Since we live in this global, socially connected world, how is it possible for anyone to be lonely? Psychologically speaking, loneliness does not necessitate social isolation. Being lonely means feeling detached from others yet having the desire for a connection or a relationship.

Why is loneliness so lethal? As human beings, one of our greatest needs is to be seen, acknowledged, and cared for. We want to belong and be a part of something larger than ourselves. More so than men, women need to maintain close connections. Relationships increase serotonin and oxytocin, the bonding hormone. In times of stress, women don’t just experience the drive toward fight or flight—they also release oxytocin. This hormone surge can compel women to “tend and befriend.” 

Research is clear. Close friendships are necessary for optimal health and well-being. A longitudinal study of aging found that strong social networks lengthen survival among older people. Dr. Amir Leving suggests that social connections are the most powerful way for us to regulate our emotional distress and that proximity to someone you are securely attached to is the most effective way to calm yourself. 

An article in the New York Times reported that close relationships create positive mental and physical reactions in our body, mind, and heart.  We are less likely to experience high levels of loneliness when we feel supported by intimate and close relationships. Strong relationships with close friends or family benefit us greatly and fulfil our social needs.

About the Author

BRENDA RIDGLEY is an author, speaker, and girlfriend guru who loves helping women connect, find success, and discover joy through friendship.  Her mission is to start a movement: women coming together to build thousands of new Lady Tribes around the globe.  Through her workshops, vlogs, blogs, and book clubs, Brenda helps women connect and communicate with respect, love, and trust. She holds an MA in human resources and has spent decades cultivating her own Tribe.  A Colorado girl at heart, Brenda lives in the Carbon Valley area with her husband, Parker, two kids, Parker Jr. and Gillian, and pooch, Perry.  She enjoys hiking and has conquered Longs Peak and several other 14’ers. 

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | YouTube | Podcast | Amazon | Goodreads

Giveaway Alert!

Brenda Billings Ridgley will be awarding a Cape Diablo wrap bracelet and a $25 Amazon Gift Card (US ONLY) to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.